Saturday, January 07, 2006

Spores

[1/11 UPDATE Below]

Several times in the last few days I've noticed a light brown glow on the horizon. Some say this is smog, but I know this is not true since it is not officially yet smog season here. So I have done a little research myself and discovered that the light brown glow on the horizon is a giant cloud of fungus spores released by a giant colony of fungi in SW Washington state. It is heading south and should reach the Yucatan Peninsula by Friday. This is significant because the Aztecs in the mid-14th century held a ceremony every year in honor of a similar cloud of fungus spores they experienced.

Now, 6 1/2 centuries later, the spore cloud has returned, and the Aztec Princess buried on Mt. Popopapa will rise from her grave to greet it. I am booking my flight and arranging for a guide so that I can be there to greet the Princess. This particular Princess was originally killed as a Virgin Sacrifice in the 13th century BC, and every 500 years or so she is reawakened to re-greet the spores.

These spores are the protectors of our species. They came from the star system they call Hieronymous Bickel, and they arrived to provide us protection in times of trouble. They are the Fungus Spores, and now is their time. As our world is spiraling out of control, they provide the needed stability to reaffirm our place in the Universe.

And everyone else thinks it is just a little smog. Hah! I'll show them. Next week it will all become clear, and the world will rejoice, and the Princess will notice my devotion and will marry me and will no longer be a Virgin and I'll be her Prince and we will save the world this one last time before we take over and rule it with an Iron Thumb. So go ahead and practice your bowing down before me this week, as next week you will most certainly need this skill to survive our terrible reign.

UPDATE 1/11/06: The test results are in, and it was smog.

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