Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Year in Review, 2008

It's the end of the year and everyone's doing them, so who am I to argue? So on to our year in review; our top ten list, if you will. Except in evolution everything always moves forward, no looking back allowed, and so we here at the Bob Davis Institute and More Evolution Theories look to the future and present our prediction for:

Top Ten Evolution Theories and Other Evolutionary Advances of 2008, the good and the bad:

10. Golgoth the Magnificent, blessed be he, ruler of all the outer planets in the Solar System, evolved out of diamond dust on Mars before conquering Neptune and Uranus.
9. Cute puppies evolved when puppy genes were re-engineered to make them more irresistable, and come from a solution of fresh creamery butter and toasted almonds.
8. Venus is about to crash into Earth in early 2009 because Dinosaurs were re-evolved on Skull Island by the Evil Dr. Doom, thus throwing the entire galaxy out of equilibrium and forshadowing the doom of us all.
7. The latest human intervention in the evolution of Red Roses has resulted in flowers sooooo red that the entire planet has rejoiced in harmony and peace, abolishing all war forever on Earth.
6. The Bible tells us that Noah's Ark landed on Mount Ararat and the evidence found on this newly rediscovered mountaintop has proven once and for all that Noah was Dictator of the Known World in 4205-4192BC and that he flooded his entire populace in retaliation for complaints by "liberal traitors" about a little torture.
5. In reviewing the latest data on Intelligent Design Theory, introduced into the 7th grade curricula in Kansas and Michigan, the Pope has declared evolution good science.
4. Fairies were integral in the creation of the big cats; Lions and Tigers, and Bears too, many thousands of years ago as retaliation to the Pixies who had created Humans. In response, the Pixies slaughtered the Fairies in 1412BC in the Battle of The Golden Forest.
3. The Oceans are the source of all genetic diversity as a result of Rain - "God's Tears of Joy at His Creation."
2. In the early years of the Universe, one race took control of all the inhabited planets and killed off all the other species everywhere through the environmental degradation of the universe. That race? Humans! It was us all along! Nooooooo!!!!!!!

And the #1 Theory of Evolution for the year 2008: Our Alien overlords of the Cheney Clan from the Planet Abramoff in the Rove Galaxy were evolved from only the most evil of non-human genetic components.

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