Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Isis

Over 10,000 years ago, Africa was a continent filled with many animals, but the rest of the world was barren. One day there came unto the world a girl child, the Egyptian god Isis, who was born in a small village in the outer reaches of Upper Egypt. The daughter of farmers content with their lot in life, Isis set off for the big city to make a name for herself. In those days, farmers raised their crops of rice and barley in relative peace, only stopping to fight the occasional war against the incursions of the Abyssians. But they were fortunate to live along the Nile Delta with its regular floodings. Farming was a quick and easy way to make a living in those days. Until the Pharoah, Amenhotep, sent his tax collectors demanding gold tribute. Since the farmers were raising rice and barley, and not gold, they didn't have gold tribute to pay to the Pharoah. And thus Pharoah sent a great pestilence amongst them, in the form of flood-resistant grasshoppers who would eat all their crops.

All this time Isis was living large in the city of Alexandria. She became a famous actress in the plays of Euripides; wealthy, successful and fulfilled. Or so she thought. But when she found out that her parents and all the other farmers from her hometown were being starved to death by the Pharoah's grasshopper minions, she became a bit perturbed. And she used her magic to cast a spell upon the Pharoah. (Did we say she had magical powers? Well, we did say she was a god, so we figured the magic was to be taken for granted.) And Pharoah became quite smitten with her. He came to all her performances and lavished his attentions on her, and bought her a lovely crocodile-skin luggage set. And then one night while he was sleeping in his bed after a night of passionate lovemaking, she went into his office that was hidden behind a secret stone panel in the bedchamber, and found the files about the grasshoppers. There she discovered that he had no way to stop them once they had started.

So she used her magic and turned the Pharoah into a puma. And then she took all the cats that were in the palaces and turned them into pumas too. And then she took all the retainers of the Pharoah, and all the ladies-in-waiting and turned them into pumas too.

Once the pumas were running around wild, and destroying everything the Pharoah owned, she cast a spell to make the grasshoppers disappear, and she built a great pyramid, and she freed the Hebrew slaves too. And she scattered the pumas to the four winds, and when they landed on the different continents they became: elephants in Asia, bears in Europe, bison in North America, pumas in South America, and penguins in Antartica. And from these first animals, they each gave birth to more species and soon the rest of the world was populated, and Africa became the origin and source for all life on Earth.

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