Tuesday, November 22, 2005


If you've been wondering when I would address the situation in Iraq, today is your lucky day. Because I have a theory. A theory about the future of Iraq. Please, let me explain.

We all know that the US has been busy over the last 4 1/2 years developing a race of Super-Soldiers. But what you may not have known is that the NIH has decided to base their Super-Soldier program not on the Marines, but on Lab Monkeys. Yes, that is right, our government has developed a race of Super-Soldier-Lab-Monkeys! They're not ready yet, but soon. Soon.

What is great about this development is that no US citizens have been experimented on without their permission. Only monkeys. But they get to be Super-Soldiers! This evolution of monkeys will eventually catapult them past humans on the evolutionary scale. Once they re-conquer Iraq, put down the insurgency, and reinstate the No-Fly-Zones, then they will next conquer Iran and Syria! Woohoo! Next, the world! And we're going to get to be their slaves, if we're nice.

So please, pray with me that we can be nice enough that the Super-Soldier Monkeys will allow the human race to survive as their Slaves and not just kill us all off instead.


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