Monday, October 10, 2005

Signs

Fourteen signs, in the modern American home, of Evolution:

  1. Your fingernails have started growing in backwards, allowing you to open bottle tops.
  2. Fins appear where there were never any fins before.
  3. Your naugahyde couch is now velour.
  4. The table has grown a fifth leg.
  5. Your dog speaks fluent Finnish, while you are still learning the numbers.
  6. Generous donations have mysteriously been made in your name to the Bob Davis Institute.
  7. That bowl of cereal you ate this morning has regrown itself in the bowl.
  8. Waxing your leg hair lasts for six months.
  9. Your toothbrush has grown a new attachment for floor wax.
  10. Your shoes tie themselves.
  11. Network news programs have stopped covering Missing White Women.
  12. Spontaneous regeneration of stains on your shirts after repeated washings.
  13. Your computer has brought you to this webpage without your requesting it.
  14. Your pants have started growing a second zipper.

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