Monday, October 17, 2005

An Experiment Gone Awry

While traveling through the Dakotas in 1992 I heard a story about a man named Bob who was in the center of a controversy involving the Governor and three State Senators. It seems Bob and these 4 politicians were living together in a house, which is not so unusual until you consider that there was only one bedroom.

So I dug a little deeper, and it turns out that the four politicians were all male. It looked like we were on the verge of a sex scandal of epic proportions (well, as epic as a scandal in the Dakotas can be.) Indeed, the state was in a state of shock when the story broke. But nothing ever came of it. The politicians all resigned to spend more time with "their families" and that was the end of it.

But I was still suspicious, so I went back there in 1995 to follow up. And what I found is much more horrible than anything you could ever imagine - like cannibalism and assassinations and veneral diseases and incest and bestiality with giraffes - yes, worse than all that if that was what you were imagining.

What I found was that Bob was an alien who had created the bodies of the four politicians in the 1950s so that he could inhabit them one at a time, taking control of the state piece by piece over the years, and leaving no traces of his actions. Even worse, is that the reason that Bob did all this was because he is an alien god researching planets around the universe, trying to find good ones to replicate in other galaxies. Yes - it is true - Earth is just an experiment, a modest experiment among 60 million other modest experiments while the alien gods, all named Bob, try to determine the best mix of ingredients before building the ONE TRUE Planet, to be called Urgon, in the Pegasus Galaxy. At that time, all the other experiments will be disposed of properly; recycling what can be reused, burning the rest. What is most horrifying of all, is that Bob considers this one planet, Earth, to be an experiment gone AWRY. So we are doomed, all doomed! Do you hear me? DOOMED!

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