Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Along the Alcan

While driving down from Alaska last year I stopped in a small cabin on the Alcan for a homemade cinnamon bun. Man, was it good. Delicious. The woman who owned the place and made the buns, Martelle, told me this story:
Twenty or thirty years ago there were sixteen reststops along this stretch of the Alcan, but now they're all gone. This is the only one left. The reason is that the government done went and socialized all the services, by placing official state and provincial reststops along the way, putting us out of business. The only reason we're still here is because of how good my buns are.

But all the other private reststops are gone, including the carwashes and the brothels. See, the government doesn't like the competition that the local whores were providing, so the whole scheme was really just a monopoly putting its competition out of business. A monopoly on whores.

And the reason they feared us was because our whores were better than their whores. Our whores were robot whores, there to serve your every pleasure. But even then they weren't your standard robot whores. They were more evolved robot whores. They were at the forefront of the newest technology. They were so advanced, they could think for themselves and not just serve you. Yes, that's right, they were self-aware robot whores. And they were good at their jobs. They were excellent self-aware robot whores we had on the Alcan back then.

So the government feared them, and wanted to maintain their monopoly on less-evolved whores, and congress complied, and put everyone along the Alcan here out of business. And they took our excellent self-aware reststop robot whores for themselves and now the only place you'll find our type of whore is in the halls of Congress. They've given them all jobs. "Lobbyists" they call them. But I know what they really are: Robot Whores.
Sometimes our evolution theories are scarier than others. This is one of those times.

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