Sunday, September 11, 2005

Twinkies

Jasper, Wyoming is the home of one Harold Sneed. He has this story to tell:
I built a wormhole back in 1996 so that since then I have been able to go back in time using this time machine, but only as far back as 1996. So I was journeying back in time 3 months ago on a nice Saturday afternoon, when the machine went a little haywire, and instead of going back to 1996, like I always do, the machine sent me back much much further back in time than I thought the machine was capable.

Well, the wormhole technology really only should have worked as far back as 1996 as we learned in High School, but there I was in the past, the dark past, back before there were even people on the planet. Back before there was pretty much anything on the planet. In fact, I couldn't find anything at all except some rocks and volcanoes and a little stinky water too.

So I walk around for a few days looking for stuff, maybe some dinosaurs, you know? Well, nothing. So I pack up everything, dump my trash in the nearest hole, and leave. Now that I'm back, I tell you that everything is different. This is still 2005 and all, but there are no more time machines! All the plants and animals are different - only people are the same.

So I'm thinking I must have changed the timeline a lot, there. But then I got to thinking, that maybe if I was on Earth back before life had even evolved at all, then maybe the trash I left behind - the twinkies wrappers - then maybe these organic materials were the origins of all life on earth. And since humans evolved in this timeline again, just like in the original timeline, I think that proves that we are the pinnacle of evolution.

Either that, or twinkie DNA will inevitably lead to creatures who will produce more twinkies - a form of self-replication by the twinkies over the course of billions of years.

The only proof he could offer me is a twinkie he had brought back with him from his trip into the past. And it was still delicious after all those years. Spooky.

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