Thursday, September 08, 2005

The Princess and the Pea

A Lovely Fable

Once upon a time, in a galaxy that is very far away indeed, there lived a wise King Glahada, who had three lovely daughters - Jessipal, Mossipol, and Sweetipeetei. Now, this King was very wise in most matters, but not all, and so he decided that for his daughters to be able to marry well, they needed very big dowries - big enough for a rich man to be attracted to them for they were not very beautiful. So he gave away all his property to his three daughters. But one of them, Sweetipeetei, refused her share. And for this she was banished from the kingdom and never heard from again. The king was despondent over his rash decision, as Sweetipeetei was his favorite daughter of all. So he plucked his eyes out and ran across the heath screaming bloody murder.

Now good princess Sweetipeetei took her sweet self and went off on adventures, and roamed from planet to planet searching for good princes to impregnate her so she could have lots of children with her lesbian lover, Lilith. Now Lilith had originally been married to a fair and balanced man named Adam, from a very very distant galaxy, in a sector of the universe known as "bleak." But Adam had divorced Lilith and renounced her for his girlfriend Eve, whom he had been seeing while still married to Lilith, a scandalous state of affairs. Now this trollop Eve was also a clone off of Adam, strangely enough. But anyway, Lilith, in her rage, had left the planet she had shared with Adam and went off in search of a means for revenge.

Lilith and Sweetipeetei collected sperm from princes found around the galaxies and had many many children, and these children were collected by a kindly man named Noah on his boat when he went sailing one day. These children were elephants and giraffes and flies and pandas and plants too like the corn and the pea and the cactus too. And when the enitre world of Adam was flooded and all of Adam's children were drowned in the flood and none at all remained, only Lilith's and Sweetipeetei's children survived and repopulated the entire planet. And when the flood had receded for many years the Princess saw all of her creation and it was good, especially the peas which were very tasty indeed.

The End


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