Friday, September 02, 2005

Numerology

Numerology is an honored and time tested method for determining our place in the universe. It's success has been predicated on years of constant vigiliance and total submission to its will. For instance, Tom Cruise once got his numbers read and was told that he would have a really happy and gay time on the Oprah show, and he did.

So to the theory: The numbers are read in a discursive fashion. The Universe is a flexible 32, which combined with Earth, a static 42, adds to a complicated relationship of 7s and 8s. Mankind is a 4 and Women are 6s. Together we produce children with ranges between 2 and 422, in sequence. When you place these numbers in the primary equations1, you get a 16, proof that God created the world not in 6 days but in 16 days, a small matter of 10 days discrepency never fully accounted for in the bible, the torah, the koran, or the book of the dead.

So in turn man was not created as the pinnacle of creation, but as the first experiment on the day before creation proper even began. That's right, we were not part of the 16 days creation at all, but hung around to watch God work, and somehow Adam was able to slip into the creation stream and ended up on Earth, as evidenced by the number 322 appearing in the middle of the third equation. Eve was created (under the sign of the 14) by way of an attempt by God to clone sheep that went awry when Adam stepped into the number field and flipped all the 4s to 5s. Since then, we are trapped in a world visibly shifting on the very ground on which we stand.

1 The primary equations used are:

i.


ii.

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