Friday, August 19, 2005

Theory of Theories

In this our first post on More Evolution Theories, I would like to start off with the remarkable "Theory of Theories":
All theories are theories as soon as they have been spoken out loud.
This is a most remarkable theory, first proposed by Guignol in 1213 in Janiceburg, France. He first wrote it down on parchment, copied it out and distributed it to everyone in the French Conservatory. They absolutely rejected this theory on its face. In humiliation, he was forced to retire to the island of Caccaral in 1214 where he quickly died in poverty and penance.

But his words live on, because to his good fortune his "Theory of Theories" was presented to the British Parliament for ratification as an adjunct to the Magna Carta in 1215, and thus was officially spoken out loud by the good Sir William of Forest. It was actually remarkable: as soon as the theory was spoken out loud, it became a theory and was accepted the world over - truly - thus proving the theory of theories for the first and last time.

Thus it is that Intelligent Design (ID) and Creationism and Darwinian Evolution are all equally considered "Theories" - for they have all been spoken out loud, some even by members of the British Parliament.

Thus it is the purpose of this website to chronicle all those theories that have been spoken out loud, and some that haven't yet but have been thought out loud, regarding the evolution of the species and the creation of the world. The "Theory of Theories" demands no less. As there are quite a few of these "Evolution Theories" we expect this task to take a while and expect to finish this chronicle by the year 32031, by 11:30am if we are prompt. Please come back often to see our progress.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well, you could start with the pastafarianism. That one's growing fast.

Tangentially, there is also the theory of Intelligent Falling. While it doesn't have anything to do with the origins of life, it does illustrate the close-minded elitism of the scientific establishment. (Fuck the Establishment, man!)

4:15 PM  
Blogger Bob Davis said...

Yes! I love the spaghetti monster. He is my hero.

The Onion's recent revealing of the new Intelligent Falling Theory is one of the most important advances in Intelligent Theory Theorizing in years. I am in awe of their profound skills in discerning the truth and importance of this profound issue. Fortunately, they have found the one true alternative to the Theory of Gravity; there are no others. For evolution, our task is harder, as there are literally thousands of alternate theories to record.

5:08 PM  

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